STORE GUY, AGAIN.

Fantasy X. Ding dong.

�Hello?�

�Hey, who�s this?�

�Kelly. Who�s this?�

�Oh, hey, Kelly. This is Jay. We�ve talked before.�

�We have??�

�Yeah, I�m the guy who tries to get women to take advantage of him by giving them money.�

�I remember you!� This guy has actually appeared in one of the first installments of this article (see PHONE ACTING = PHONE SEX). His deal is he goes to public places, pretends that I�m his wife on the phone and that I�m bugging him about something that he can�t figure out and he is looking for someone to talk to her. When he hands the phone to some unsuspecting woman, I�m supposed to tell her that I�ve been mad at him and in order to get back at him I told him that I was taking him to a hypnotist to help him stop smoking but really I had a post-hypnotic suggestion put in instead. And here it is, according to him. If a woman puts her left hand on her left hip and says �purchase,� he�ll hand you $100 and not remember a thing.

Okay, got it? Yup that�s it. It makes no sense to me at all. I have no idea what will really happen if a girl does that. I�ve imagined all sorts of terrible scenarios, like he starting jacking off right there in public or some other lewd act.

So, okay. I remember the bit and he walks around looking for a woman to give me to. The first girl is in the parking lot of Wal-mart. (Again, another reason to never ever ever shop at Wal-mart.) He�s pretending we are arguing and goes up to her and explains that I need some help and would she help us out.

�Hello?�

�Hi, uh, do you know the guy who just handed you the phone?�

�Uh, no. I just met him.�

�Yeah, okay. I�m not his wife. This is phone sex. He says that if you put your left hand on your left hip and say �purchase� that he�ll give you $100. But I have no idea what will really happen if you do that, so it is up to you.�

�What? $100? Ummm, no I don�t think so.� And she hands the phone back to him.

�What happened?� he asks.

�I don�t know, I told her the whole bit.�

�Yeah, she didn�t buy it.�

�Yeah, I�m sorry. Want to try again?� Always always always keep talking and trying to make the call last longer.

�Yeah, I�ll go inside.� He goes inside and decides to go to the shampoo section pretending that I want some brand but again, he can�t figure it out�

�Hey, this is my wife and she wants some shampoo, but I don�t know what she is talking about. Will you talk to her?� We got another one! Quick! I have to decide how I�m going to play this one.

�Hello?�

�Hi. I need some of that one kind of shampoo.�

�Hello?�

�Hello?�

�Hello? I think the reception is bad. Maybe if I go over here.� And I can�t see them, but I imagine her walking away from that guy with his phone.

I hear him in the background saying, �Hey, that�s okay. Yeah, nevermind.�

She seems pretty determined to help and walks around for a few more minutes trying to be able to hear me.

Finally he gets his phone back and says, �It didn�t work. She couldn�t hear you. I�ll call you back later, okay?�

Click.

Posted by ::: 2004:08:13:10:57